Love's forgiveness Vs. the ego's forgiveness: Forgiveness as a practice for a happier, better life.
Oct 09, 2019
(By Eldad Ben-Moshe)
Hey there Better Lifers!
We all want to live a happier, better life.
Done right, forgiveness is one of the most effective (and heart-opening,
uplifting) things we can do for that.
Done wrong, it will only strengthen our suffering - at least in the long term.
A surprising statement, I know, but in this post I’ll show you why it’s a true one.
I’m writing this post on ‘Yom Kippur’ (Hebrew for ‘day of atonement’).
It's perhaps the most important day of the year in the Jewish tradition.
It deals with our ‘sins’ (a word I do not subscribe to) and forgiveness.
Don’t worry. This is not about religion or Judaism.
It’s all about forgiveness as a means to a happier, better, more awakened life.
I’m going to use the teachings of “A Course in Miracles” (to which I’ll
refer to as ‘the course’) as our guide in this journey.
It's the best guide I know for the topic of forgiveness.
Forgiveness is the primary ‘tool,’ or practice, that the course offers us.
This is already a hint at what we’re going to talk about:
Properly used, forgiveness is a tool for psychological and spiritual growth.
It’s not just for feeling better with ourselves and in our relationships,
as important as that may be.
But like many other terms, Forgiveness too gets a different meaning in the Course.
Content breakdown
As this post is longer than the usual, I’ll give you a breakdown of what’s in it:
In this post, I’ll speak of the 2 types of forgiveness -
- The ego’s forgiveness.
- Love’s forgiveness.
I’ll discuss them within 3 types of situations (and add a special bonus),
which will be the highlighted subheadings:
- Forgiveness to others.
Here I’ll discuss the 2 forms of forgiveness in length. But as always, I will not leave you with theory and intellectual
understandings only, important as they are.
To help turn information into transformation, I’ll end this part with:
👉 5 actionable steps for forgiveness,
👉 And an example of how both forms of forgiveness look. - Forgiveness to yourself.
- Asking others to forgive you.
- A critical bonus - how to avoid a ‘spiritual bypass’ when doing Love’s forgiveness.
1. Forgiveness to others
✨ The ego’s forgiveness: 'Forgiveness to destroy.'
“No gift of Heaven has been more misunderstood than has forgiveness."
-A Course in Miracles, The Song of Prayer, 2.I.1:1
Throughout the entire course, there is a distinction between 2 thought systems:
That of the ego, and that of Love.
The course makes that distinction between Love’s and the ego’s thought systems
when it comes to Forgiveness as well.
The course calls the ego’s forgiveness “forgiveness to destroy,”
and Love’s forgiveness “forgiveness for salvation.”
(Note that as the course uses Christian words and terms as symbols,
it also gives them a different meaning than we are used to.
Therefore, while being a completely non-religious course,
Love is often referred to as, or symbolized by, God, the Holy Spirit,
Jesus, Christ, etc.).
At its core, the ‘normal’ forgiveness in our world, which is the ego’s
‘forgiveness to destroy,’ says this:
- You have wronged me (‘sinned’).
This also means that I'm better than you -
I know what’s right and wrong, and what you should have done.
I'm the all-knowing and wise judge, and I judge that you are wrong
in doing what you did.
I'm right in my judgment and ‘wisdom’;
You were wrong in your actions and way of seeing things.
Our ego loves this.
It nourishes it and helps it grow stronger.
‘Being right, being an innocent victim, and being the wise judge all at one?
Yes, please!’ Says the ego.
‘I'm the good guy. He's the bad guy. I love this. Give me more of that!’
“Forgiveness-to-destroy will overlook no sin, no crime, no guilt that
it can seek and find and "love."
Dear to its heart is error, and mistakes loom large and grow
and swell within its sight.
It carefully picks out all evil things, and overlooks the loving
as a plague;”
- A Course in Miracles, The Song of Prayer, 2.I.2:2-4 - And I forgive you for being so bad or wrong. I forgive you for your ‘crime’ or ‘sin.’
This puts me, the all-wise judge, at yet an even higher step than you.
Not only am I the judge that knows right from wrong (unlike you,
who have wronged me), but I’m also so generous and merciful.
This, too, is food for the ego.
The ego indulges in the thought and feeling of being so wonderful,
so generous and merciful.
This is sometimes called ‘a spiritual ego’ - but it’s still our ego. - Spiritual bonus:
This kind of forgiveness also strengthens the belief that we are separate.
It makes the separation from Love (/God) real, as there is me -
the victim, judge, and merciful saint,
and you - who sinned against me.
‘I forgive you’ means separation is real, and it strengthens your
belief in the story of separation, even if subconsciously.
This is why the course calls it forgiveness ‘to destroy.’
This 'forgiveness' does not undo ‘your error.’
In fact, it makes ‘your error’ real (to me), while making my ‘innocent victim’
position real as well (again, real to me).
The result is that this 'forgiveness' reinforces my belief in your guilt!
Yes, as paradoxical as it sounds, the ego’s forgiveness, which is the common
and normal forgiveness that we offer each other in this world,
does not really forgive you.Instead, it actually reinforces your guilt in my mind.
Our ego might tell us that by forgiving the other, we have put it behind us,
we have really ‘forgave and forgot.’
But if you’ll look honestly in your mind, you'll see that we ‘forgive but not forget.’
If you make that ‘bad behavior’ again, I'll certainly remember your ’criminal record.’
I'll remember the times you have wronged me, mistreated me, ‘sinned’ against me
in the past (and probably remind you of them too).
The guilt associated with the event is not released from your mind -
probably not even in the conscious level, and certainly not in the unconscious level.
When we understand that, we can see that my ‘forgiveness’ to you was
nothing short of an attack on you!
It judged and condemned you and reinforced my belief in your guilt.
Ironically, by attacking you (even with the disguise of forgiveness),
I’m now bound to feel guilty, even if unconsciously.
Feeling guilty, I'll find a reason and a cause outside of me for being the thing
that causes my distress, my pain, and my suffering.
I'll then attack the person/thing/god that I perceive as doing me wrong.
That is the cycle of guilt and attack that the course teaches us that is happening in
our mind as long as we choose the ego’s thought system of separation, sin, guilt, and fear.
Seeing the cause of my suffering outside of me, and specifically seeing our unconscious
guilt in others, is sometimes called ‘projection of the guilt.’
That’s the way our mind is wired to handle our guilt automatically, as opposed to ‘owning’
and acknowledging our guilt, and dealing with it in a mindful, healthy way.
That doesn't happen by itself.
That requires inner work.
As long as that thought system rules our mind, the projection of guilt, the cycle of guilt
and attack, and suffering, as a result, are inevitable.
The only way to be done with it is to change our beliefs, our perception -
from that of the ego to that of love.
Change the thought system that rules our minds.
That change of perception from the ego's thought system to Love's
thought system is what the Course calls a Miracle.
That's what the entire course is all about.
That's what it designed to help us achieve.
Love’s perception is often referred to in the course as Christ’s vision,
the Holy Spirit's vision, etc.
But these are just symbols for the Love that the course is all about.
Don’t fall into the trap of thinking the words themselves are what the course is about,
or that it’s a Christian or a religious course.
It’s all about the essence, and nothing about the form.
Feel free to replace words like Jesus, God, Christ, and the Holy Spirit with any
word that symbolizes love and the memory of love to you.
✨ Love’s forgiveness: 'Forgiveness for salvation.'
“Through your forgiveness does the truth about yourself return to your memory.
Therefore, in your forgiveness lies your salvation…
forgiveness is a gift to yourself.
Your goal is to find out who you are, having denied your Identity by attacking
creation and its Creator.
Now you are learning how to remember the truth.”
At the opening of this post, I mentioned that the course gives words and symbols that
we know a different meaning.
That is true for forgiveness, as well.
That's part of how the course helps us unlearn what our ego & culture has taught us, and
change our perception, change our thought system from that of the ego to that of Love.
The course teaches that “Forgiveness recognizes what you thought your brother did
to you has not occurred. “ (A Course in Miracles, W-pII.1:1)
That’s a pretty bald statement.
It can be understood at several levels, as many of the courses’ messages can.
It can also be misunderstood.
It does not mean that if someone did something to you, this should be ignored.
This is not a course about make-belief and spiritual bypasses -
but it can become one if you misunderstand it.
That’s why it’s so important to get some help in understanding it.
It was vital for me, at least, and it still is at times.
So what does it mean?
On one level, “what you thought your brother did to you has not occurred” means that
he didn't take away your peace and joy.
Nothing anyone did to you has ever done that.
Only you can do it.
Again, if someone rapes, they belong in prison, no doubt.
And the emotional and physical pain is not to be buried or denied.
But we add a layer of suffering on top of that pain, and that is done in our mind.
That we do to ourselves, Our brother has not done that to us.
Going deeper into the spiritual rabbit hole, “what you thought your brother did
to you has not occurred” means that the separation is not real.
There is no ‘him’ (as in my brother) and ‘me.’
I'm not Eldad, not this body, and neither is ‘he’ a body.
What happened was not ‘him’ doing something to ‘me.’
If the same action had occurred in a dream, I would not have thought after I woke up
that it was really my brother, and that it really happened to me.
It was 'done' by one dream figure to another, none of them are really him nor me.
Going even deeper into the spiritual rabbit hole, “what you thought your brother did
to you has not occurred” means that it literally never happened, as this entire ‘world’
and ‘reality’ are a dream, not reality -as practically all major spiritual paths claim.
You can use the metaphor of a dream again, or that of a movie as well -
if something happened in the dream or on the screen, it doesn’t mean it happened in real life.
When we wake up, or when the movie end and the lights are turned on, we remember
and realize that it wasn’t real.
The course does not expect us to experience that, though.
If we experienced that as the truth, there was no reason to write, read, or practice the course.
You would not send Jimmy Hendrix a book about how to play guitar,
or give Michael Jordan a book about how to play basketball.
The course makes this very clear when it states:
“The body is merely a fact in human experience....
However, it is almost impossible to deny its existence. Those who do so are engaging in a particularly unworthy form of denial. The term “unworthy” here implies simply that it is not necessary...”
But the course does tell us about the truth, like a flashlight that sends a
beacon of light to show the way, and to show the dangers of the path too.
Telling us how things are, while not expecting us to experience them yet, is both
helpful and realistic. In fact, it is helpful because it's realistic.
That’s one of the reasons why this course is so helpful - it speaks to us both at the level
of truth to show us the way, and at the level in which we are in right now to help us
get on the path and walk it.
It doesn't make things 'pretty' or 'nice' - but it doesn't expect us to be perfect either.
Another point to notice when comparing the ego’s ‘forgiveness’ to Love’s forgiveness
is evident when we read the full quote of how the course defines forgiveness:
“Forgiveness recognizes what you thought your brother did to you
has not occurred.
It does not pardon sins and make them real. It sees there was no sin.
And in that view are all your sins forgiven.
What is sin, except a false idea about God's Son?
Forgiveness merely sees its falsity, and therefore lets it go.”
Notice the contrast between this form of forgiveness, which states that “It does not
pardon sins and make them real. It sees there was no sin”,
and the ego’s forgiveness that, as we’ve seen, claims to ‘forgive and forget’ but really
doesn't forgive, and doesn't forget.
Instead, it holds on to the notion that you did something wrong (which makes your
‘sin’ real in my mind), and thus ironically strengthens my perception of your guilt
in my mind, leading to the cycle of guilt and attack.
✨ Now that we understand all that, let’s get practical.
How do we forgive according to the course?
As we’ve just seen’ the course states that:
“Forgiveness… sees there was no sin... What is sin, except a false idea about God's Son? Forgiveness merely sees its falsity, and therefore lets it go.”
It also states that:
“Through your forgiveness does the truth about yourself return to your memory.
Therefore, in your forgiveness lies your salvation…
forgiveness is a gift to yourself.
Your goal is to find out who you are, having denied your Identity by attacking
creation and its Creator.
Now you are learning how to remember the truth.”
Therefore, according to the course, true forgiveness, Love’s forgiveness, is all
about Remembering.
Forgiveness is remembering (that “what you thought your brother did to you
has not occurred”),and it also leads to remembering -
remembering who we really are (“Through your forgiveness does the truth
about yourself return to your memory.”)
That is why the course calls it “forgiveness for salvation.”
Forgiveness is the ‘tool,’ the practice, the means.
It leads to remembering who we really are, which leads to salvation.
Forgiveness distinguishes truth from illusions by leading to remembering who
you are, and who you are not.
Many, if not all, of the major spiritual traditions have knowing who we really are
a cornerstone in their path.
They all tell us we are not our body and personality.
I am not Eldad, you are not who you think you are.
While different traditions give different names to what we are (soul, divine spark, atman, etc.),
what we are cannot be limited to a word or a name.
The course calls it ‘The Son of God’ (which we all are, not only Jesus),
but it also says that “words are but symbols of symbols.
They are thus twice removed from reality.”- A Course in Miracles, M-21.1:9-10
It adds that “This is not a course in philosophical speculation, nor is it
concerned with precise terminology.
It is concerned only with Atonement, or the correction of perception.
The means of the Atonement is forgiveness.”- A Course in Miracles, clarification of terms, introduction, 1:1-3
This shows us again that the name ‘The Son of God’ (or any other name that any
other tradition gave) is just the form, and is not important.
It is the finger that points at the moon, but not the moon itself.
This course, on the other hand, is about the essence, the truth, the moon itself.
To me, the most accurate declaration of who we are is in the old testament.
When Moses asks God who is he, he answers "I am that I am" - translation of the
Hebrew phrase אֶהְיֶה אֲשֶׁר אֶהְיֶה, ’ehyeh ’ăšer ’ehyeh.
It can also be translated as “I am who I am.”
In eastern traditions, it's sometimes said: “I am that.”
Forgiveness, or “what you thought your brother did to you has not occurred,”
makes remembering who we really are possible.
By that, it brings us closer to what the course calls ‘salvation,’ or ‘Atonement’
(“The means of the Atonement is forgiveness”), and the eastern traditions
call ‘enlightenment.’
At the very least, and until we get ‘there,’ it brings upon us a happier, better,
more awakened life.
Isn't that what you really want?
So how do we forgive?
- When something triggers you, remember that “what you thought your brother
did to you has not occurred” instead of making their ‘sin’ or wrongdoing real. - Remind yourself that it didn’t occur because you have never separated from god.
The course goes into that in detail, and to fully understand this, we need to dive into
the course’s entire theoretical part.
I Give a concise yet in-depth overview of it in my online workshop,
“My Salvation Comes From Me - So Why Isn't It Happening?”. - Remembering that you never separated from God, you can remember that you are
not the body, and you can remember who you really are (“Through your forgiveness
does the truth about yourself return to your memory.") - Remembering that you'll be able to deal with life’s events in general,
and the specific event that triggered you as well,
in a wiser, more peaceful, more effective way.
You might even give ‘tough love’ and harsh words or actions if needed -
but with love instead of hatred and anger.
Like a loving parent that is lovingly setting boundaries to his child,
for the child’s own good.
That can only be done when love -
not ego, not anger, not fear -
is where you act from.
It’s never about the action, the form.
It’s always about the essence. - The course adds another step that we cannot dive deeply into in this post.
Still, I'll mention it here as it is very important:
Choose for oneness, not for separation, specialness, and individuality.
The course says we (as The Son of God) chose to see how it would be like to have
individuality and specialness, as in the state called ‘Heaven’ there's none of that,
only perfect oneness.
But the course adds that we can always choose again, and it encourages us to do so -
to choose for oneness over separation, specialness, and individuality.
That is easier to do once you’ve done the above steps 1-4.
How does that look like in practice?
Let’s say you stole from me.
The ego’s forgiveness is forgiveness to destroy.
The name implies the purpose, and purpose is everything.
Here's why purpose is everything:
"The test of everything on earth is simply this; "What is it for ?"
The answer makes it what it is for you.
It has no meaning of itself, yet you can give reality to it,
according to the purpose that you serve"
This 'forgiveness' says ‘you stole from me’ (making your ‘sin’ real, and me the wise
judge & the innocent victim), ‘but I forgive you’ (making me the noble merciful one,
and better than you, the guilty sinner).
Your guilt was made real in my mind, your sentence has been given, and therefore it will
never be released - even if only subconsciously.
Next time you wrong me, either by stealing or in any other way, I sure will remember that you stole from me.
Your guilt and sin were not washed away, they were just moved to the archive of my justice
halls (at best). My sense of victimhood, and my righteous judgment, will thrive.
The circle of sin, guilt, fear, and attack will be perpetuated.
That is the unconscious purpose of this forgiveness. The ego's purpose.
No love or peace can come through the door with such a state of mind.
Love’s forgiveness is forgiveness for salvation.
The name implies the purpose, and purpose is everything.
This forgiveness can be any variation of this:
'What my ego tells me that you did has never happened.
He didn't take away my peace of mind.
What he did is not why I'm angry (or sad, upset, etc.).
I'm upset because I chose individuality and specialness over oneness,
the ego's teachings over Love's.
But we never separated from god. I'm not Eldad.
I now choose oneness over separation, specialness, and individuality'.
Thus the ‘sin’ is not made real.
No guilt or judgment exists in my mind.
The circle of sin, guilt, fear, and attack does not rule my mind.
Therefore it does not dictate the way I’ll react to the situation.
Having done that internal process, I might still call the police, press charges,
ask to get my money back, etc. - but without the anger, judgment, and victimhood
in my mind.
Instead, my peaceful mind will allow me to see your actions as a call for love,
rather than as an attack.
I'll see the situation as an opportunity to practice forgiveness instead of a chance to attack.
I'll remember who I really am, and choose Love's perception over the ego's.
That's the Miracle.
It’s all about my internal state.
But that doesn't mean we are careless about the level of form.
In fact, on the level of form, because my mind is quiet, peaceful, and loving,
I’ll make better decisions about how to act
(the spiritual twist is that I will let Love guide the way I act, rather than 'me'
deciding how to act).
I can still call the cops, but inside I’ll be in a very different place than I would be if I had
chosen the ego’s forgiveness.
Without the attack, judgment, and guilt, love and peace can come into my mind and
my experience and show me the way.
That is the purpose of Love's forgiveness.
Note that above, I gave a rather long version of how the process might look, as I
wanted to demonstrate the different elements of Love's forgiveness in action.
But as you practice Love's forgiveness more and more, some of it will be so natural
that it will 'fall off' by itself. The process might look more like this, at that time:
'What my ego tells me never happened.
What my brother did is not why I'm angry (or sad, upset, etc.).
In truth, I never separated from god. I'm not Eldad.
I choose Love as my guide instead of the ego.'
Or simply 'What my ego tells me never happened. '
As far as having a happier, better, more awakened life, the choice between the
results of the ego’s 'forgiveness' and thought system, and Love’s forgiveness
and thought system, is a no brainer.
It's obvious which choices lead to a happier, better life.
The ego's thought system is that of separation, anger, sin, guilt, fear, and attack.
Therefore it will lead to a life full of that.
Love's thought system of peace, love, and sinlessness still takes care of things
that happen, but with a quiet, peaceful, loving, happy, wise, non-reactive mindset.
Therefore it will lead to a life full of that.
Yes, it takes practice, and overcoming our current ways and our fears and doubts.
But long-lasting, sustainable happiness will not come without that.
The good news is that it also means your happiness is under your control.
Learn and practice, and things will change.
You are not a victim of circumstances, waiting for god or the messiah or the
government to do something for you to be happy.
You can be happy in spite of the circumstances.
While external circumstances can be painful,
your happiness and suffering are an inside job.
We do it to ourselves.
2. Forgiveness to yourself
Now that we’ve seen the difference between Love’s forgiveness and the ego’s
forgiveness, let’s take the above principles of ‘forgiveness to destroy’ (the ego’s
forgiveness) and ‘forgiveness for salvation’ (Love’s forgiveness) and see how
they work when we look at forgiving ourselves rather than forgiving others.
✨ The ego’s way of ‘forgiving’ myself: 'Forgiveness to destroy.'
The ego’s way of ‘forgiving’ myself means that:
1. I have ‘sinned,’ I have done something wrong.
It can be a bad thing I've done, a bad decision, a silly mistake…
anything my ego can judge me for.
By that, again, we first make the ‘sin’ real.
Then our inner judge that ‘knows’ what’s right and wrong,
what I should have done, gives us its judgment and verdict.
That judge is our ego, self reigned all-knowing and wise.
‘I’ am right in my judgment and ‘wisdom.’
Even if it means that ‘I’ was wrong in doing what I did, it still gives me the
seat of the judge that knows best, knows how to discern right from wrong.
Our ego loves this.
It nourishes it and helps it grow stronger.
Why?
Because first and foremost, it gives us a sense of identity, of existence.
Even being ‘bad’ or ‘sinful’ is better than not existing.
Furthermore, it gives us a sense of being the wise judge that knows
right from wrong. I know, I'm right (in my judgment).
That's another treat that the ego is extremely fond of.
It's not a coincidence that Adam and Eve were thrown out of the garden
of Eden for eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.
Whether you see the whole story as a metaphor or as something that really
happened, it’s an interesting question to ask yourself - why that tree,
of all trees, will lead to expulsion from the garden of Eden?
What’s the problem with ‘the knowledge of good and evil’?
The answer is in the above description of the ego’s ‘forgiveness.’
The same quote I posted before about judging other people’s ‘sins’ is relevant
about the ego’s judgment of my own wrong-doings as well.
For your convenience, here it is again:
“Forgiveness-to-destroy will overlook no sin, no crime, no guilt that
it can seek and find and "love."
Dear to its heart is error, and mistakes loom large and
grow and swell within its sight.
It carefully picks out all evil things, and overlooks the loving as a plague;”- A Course in Miracles, The Song of Prayer, 2.I.2:2-4
The course, on the other hand, replaces judgment with honesty and humility:
“I do not know what anything is for.” (the workbook's lesson 25)
You can't judge because u don't have a perfect knowledge of all past and future.
We simply have no idea how anything will affect the big picture through time.
On that, the course says:
“No one can judge on partial evidence. That is not judgment. It is merely
an opinion based on ignorance and doubt.
Its seeming certainty is but a cloak for the uncertainty it would conceal.
It needs irrational defense because it is irrational.
And its defense seems strong, convincing, and without a doubt because
of all the doubting underneath. ...
How can you judge? “
2. And I forgive myself for being so bad or wrong.
I forgive myself for my ‘crime’ or ‘sin’.
This puts me, the all-wise judge, at yet an even higher step - as not only am I
the judge that knows right from wrong, but I’m also so generous and merciful.
This, too, is food for the ego.
The ego indulges in the thought and feeling of being so wonderful, so generous
and compassionate, so ‘advanced’ and ‘progressive.’
✨ Love’s way of forgiving myself: 'Forgiveness for salvation.'
The principle of Love’s forgiveness stays the same:
“Forgiveness recognizes what you thought your brother did to you has not occurred. “
- A Course in Miracles, W-pII.1:1
So in the case of forgiving myself, forgiveness will be ‘recognizing what you thought
you did has not occurred.’
This also leads to the same result as it did in the ‘forgiving others’ section:
remembering who we really are.
Regardless of who you are forgiving - yourself or others,
Love’s Forgiveness is remembering
(that ‘what you thought you did has not occurred’),
and it also leads to remembering -
remembering who we really are (“Through your forgiveness does the truth
about yourself return to your memory.”)
On one level, ‘what you thought you did has not occurred’ is true because
I am not this body. I’m not Eldad.
Remembering who we really are, we can understand that whatever the body did,
it wasn’t me that have done it.
Again, this is in line with other spiritual traditions across the globe.
They all tell us we are not our body, mind, thoughts, etc.
To put it in Dr. Gabriel Couisens’ beautiful words,
“The personality is a case of mistaken identity.”
That does not mean that we can just go around doing stuff and not be accountable.
The honest truth is that we do believe we are the body, we do experience it all as real.
We say, ‘I woke up this morning,’ ‘I brushed my teeth’, etc.
To quote the course on this again,
“The body is merely a fact in human experience....
However, it is almost impossible to deny its existence. Those who do so are engaging in a particularly unworthy form of denial. The term “unworthy” here implies simply that it is not necessary...”
But while we perceive it all as if it is real, and as if we are the body, the course helps
us remember (through Love’s forgiveness) that it is not.
As we start doubting our ego’s stories, we open our minds to the possibility that
what we believe is wrong.
We can then begin waking up, experience life in a different way, take all the
drama less seriously, and have a more peaceful, loving, conscious life.
“Into eternity, where all is one, there crept a tiny, mad idea, at which
the Son of God remembered not to laugh”
The key is to remember to laugh at the ‘tiny, mad idea’ that the separation really
happened. Doing that, the drama and suffering go away.
On the other level, which as well is supported by spiritual traditions
across the globe, what I think happened literally never happened.
Call the physical ‘reality’ a dream, an illusion, or whatever name you would,
there’s a consensus amongst the different spiritual paths that the world of
duality, the physical world we call reality, is an illusion, not reality,
or at the most - a relative reality, rather than an absolute reality.
On yet another level, ‘what you thought you did has not occurred’ means that
what you did didn't take away your peace and joy.
What took away your peace and joy was something completely different:
your decision for individuality, for the ego’s thought system of separation, o
ver oneness - love’s thought system, and your belief that the separation is real.
Nothing else can do that.
To repeat the super important understanding mentioned above -
The course does not expect us to experience that.
But the course does tell us about the truth, like a flashlight that sends a
beacon of light to show the way, and to show the dangers of the path too.
✨ Now that we understand all that, let’s get practical:
How does that look like in practice?
Here’s an interesting question for practice:
How do I forgive myself for choosing for individuality, for the ego’s
thought system of separation, over oneness - love’s thought system?
Ego’s ‘forgiveness’ will be ‘I really did choose the ego over love, and that’s bad,
but I forgive myself for doing that” (while, in fact, the guilt about that will stay
buried in your mind).
Love’s forgiveness will say ‘what you thought you did has not occurred.
You never separated from love. You have not left Oneness (a.k.a Heaven),
and did not turn into a separate, special individual.’
“Heaven is not a place nor a condition.
It is merely an awareness of perfect Oneness,
and the knowledge that there is nothing else”
3. Asking others to forgive you
✨ The ego’s ‘forgiveness’: 'Forgiveness to destroy.'
By now, you might start to see the pattern.
The ego’s ‘forgiveness’ will make the ‘sin’ real,
and then enjoy its seat as the ‘wise’ judge,
and its dream of separation, individuality, and specialness.
Therefore, the ego’s asking for forgiveness really means -
I have ‘sinned,’ I'm the wise judge of that, my understanding
of reality is right, and separation is real.
Why does the ego love that?
Again, here too, it gets to judge me.
It gets to say it's right in judging me as someone who has done
something ‘bad’ that requires forgiveness.
Most importantly - it gets to have the experience of being a separate,
unique, special individual.
It gets an experience of identity, of existing.
✨ Love’s forgiveness: 'Forgiveness for salvation.'
Love’s Forgiveness will say, on the other hand,
that ‘what you thought you did has not occurred.’
That will be true on all the levels we’ve seen before -
‘What you thought you did has not occurred’ is true because I'm not this body.
I’m not Eldad. This leads to remembering who we really are.
‘What you thought you did has not occurred’ is true because what I think
happened literally never happened.
‘What you thought you did has not occurred’ is true because I didn't
take away my peace and joy.
What took away my peace and joy was my decision for individuality,
for the ego’s thought system of separation, over oneness -
love’s thought system, and your belief that the separation is real.
4. A critical bonus - how to avoid a ‘spiritual bypass’ when doing Love’s forgiveness.
It's way too easy to misunderstand this course -
because our egos don’t want us to understand it.
The ego is terrified of what this course says.
In its desire to be a separate, individual self, the idea
of perfect oneness seems like the end of my existence.
Worse than the death of the body, as even if the body dies we can still
believe we continue to exist as a soul - that can live without the body.
If I'm not ‘me’ - whatever that ‘me’ means, as long as it is
distinguishable from ‘you’ - then who am I and how can I exist?
But going ‘all in’ into ‘I am not Eldad, and everything in this world is a dream,’
can be both dangerous and unhealthy.
To quote the course again,
“The body is merely a fact in human experience....
However, it is almost impossible to deny its existence. Those who do so are engaging in a particularly unworthy form of denial. The term “unworthy” here implies simply that it is not necessary...”
The course also says, for example, that it can be wise to take medicine to heal your
body (ACIM, Text-2.II.11), even though the body, and the medicine, and the illness, are all illusions.
So what’s the solution?
As Dr. Gabriel Cousens once told me:
Learn to walk both worlds.
In the case of this blog post, that would mean:
On the one hand, be honest and be ‘normal.’
Don’t quit your job saying ‘it’s all a dream and who needs money’,
do take care of your physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual well being,
do say that you’re sorry when you think you have wronged someone and yes, even ask
for their forgiveness - because the ego’s way of seeing things still has a hold on you.
Being honest about the gap between your genuine experience and your
understanding of spiritual truths (such as the one taught by the Course in
Miracles and written in this blog post) will allow you to walk both worlds.
So be honest.
As long as there’s even a tiny part of you that believes and/or experiences that you
are the body, that you're here, or even a soul (as a soul is also individual and separate -
not only bodies 😉 ), act accordingly.
But at the same time, Remember.
Love’s forgiveness is all about remembering as a tool for separating truth from illusions.
In turn, it leads us to remember who we really are.
The difference between a forgiving thought (i.e., Love’s forgiveness) and an
unforgiving thought (the ego’s ‘forgiveness’) is this:
“An unforgiving thought is one which makes a judgment that it will not raise to
doubt, although it is not true.
The mind is closed, and will not be released...\
An unforgiving thought does many things.
In frantic action it pursues its goal, twisting and overturning what it sees as
interfering with its chosen path.
Distortion is its purpose, and the means by which it would accomplish it as well.
It sets about its furious attempts to smash reality, without concern for anything
that would appear to pose a contradiction to its point of view.
Forgiveness, on the other hand, is still, and quietly does nothing.
It offends no aspect of reality, nor seeks to twist it to appearances it likes.
It merely looks, and waits, and judges not.
He who would not forgive must judge, for he must justify his failure to forgive.
But he who would forgive himself must learn to welcome truth exactly as it is.”
Which leads us to the bottom line of the practical understanding -
“Forgiveness… merely looks… and judges not…
learn to welcome truth exactly as it is.”
Step back and look at what your ego is doing without judgment.
Look at all of the ego’s stories and drama, all its distortions of truth.
Learn to see truth from illusion, understand why your ego is doing all that,
and at the same time, remember that only the truth is real.
What your ego is telling you never happened.
✨ Now that we understand all that, let’s get practical.
Here’s how it might look like in practice:
- If someone asks you to forgive them, you can tell them you forgive them while inside you’ll remember that this never really happened, and that you're not separate from them or from love.
Your external answer will be ‘I forgive you,’ and you will give them judgment and separation - even if only unconsciously.
Your internal answer will be ‘I remember,’ and you will give them love, oneness, and a reflection of the truth - even if they only experience that unconsciously. - If you are being hard on yourself, you can forgive yourself.
Still, inside, you’ll remember that this never really happened and even more so -
you are not separate from love and perfect oneness. - If you feel like you’ve wronged someone, you can certainly go and ask for their forgiveness, while inside you’ll remember that this never really happened, and that you are not separate from them or from love.
Being honest about the gap between your genuine experience and your understanding of spiritual truths, externally you’ll be ‘normal’, yet internally you’ll remember the truth yet again.
As you use life’s occurrences as opportunities as a classroom, an opportunity to practice forgiveness, the ego’s stories and thought system will lose its hold on you, and you’ll find yourself choosing love’s truth over them more easily and more often.
You'll also find that you're smiling more often.
A different experience will shine through that - an experience of a forgiven world.
Many names have been given to that experience - awakening, atonement, salvation,
nirvana, christ awareness, heaven, samadhi, etc.
“by your own forgiveness you are free to see…
The real world is attained simply by the complete forgiveness of the old, the world you see without forgiveness...
For forgiveness literally transforms vision, and lets you see the real world reaching quietly and gently across chaos, removing all illusions that had twisted your perception and fixed it on the past.”
Final note: You can do this!
Choose the thing(s) that inspire you the most.
Don’t over-do it, keep it simple and joyful.
Take one baby step at a time.
Remember -
- Implement.
- Baby steps.
- Joyfully.
To your better life,
with tons of 💖
Eldad Ben-Moshe
Founder, Teacher, and Coach
Better Life Awareness Center
Author
